


Bloody petals

by LillyUnova



Category: Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Romance, Blood, Childhood Friends, F/M, Falling In Love, Female character being Hoshino Sanae, Flowers, Friends to Lovers, Hanahaki Disease, Hospitals, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I like making my favorite characters suffer, I'm an a emotional sadomasochist, M/M, Misunderstandings, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love, more tags will be added soon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:08:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27149869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LillyUnova/pseuds/LillyUnova
Summary: {TW: BLOOD}Hatori Yoshiyuki knew he wasn't going to make till 28 years old.He was in a constant state of agony and turmoil both physically and emotionally. Those damnned flowers growing inside his lungs, each cough and hack that would escape him.Mentally, he was in constant turmoil. The very existence of his childhood friend/crush Yoshino Chiaki was the cause of those flower petals. Any rational person would have just distanced themselves away from them but their covalent bond says otherwise. Time after time he would try to distance himself away from Chiaki only for the guilt to eat at him alive. It was a constant cycle.He loved him. He loved him with every aspect of his being. And that love can and will be the death of him.
Relationships: Hatori Yoshiyuki/Original female character(s), Hatori Yoshiyuki/Yoshino Chiaki, Yoshino Chiaki/Original female character(s)
Kudos: 5





	1. Naivety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The original oneshot for this longfic. Now thinking about it some more, I'll be tagging this fic as a slowburn looking back at my outline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This can be skipped if you want. Basically Hatori's struggles with his unrequited love. Consider this chapter 0

It all started when Hatori was only 15 years old.

The dull ring of the bell signified yet another drawn out day of school had passed. The halls flooded with students of all grades either conversing with their friends and fellow classmates or rushing to their lockers to get out of the building to begin with their elaborate plans for the weekend.

One particular student sped out of one of the biology classrooms in a panic. The thought of bumping into fellow students was pushed back into the depths of his mind as he ran down the stairs almost tripping while doing so. Oxygen had quite a hard time getting to his lungs as he felt his already rapid heartbeat pound in his ear.

He knew what was happening.

His mind was in pure turmoil. It took far too long to get to where he wanted -surprisingly he only bumped into three people on his way there- but he finally made it. Passed the art wing and barreling across the empty halls, he finally made it to where he needed to go.

Breathless and delirious off whatever adrenaline remained, he threw his bookbag off to the side, the sound of it colliding with the tiled floor fell deaf on his ears as he started to hack.

The sight in front of him looked to be a horrific crime scene, almost like a murder had occurred in that small bathroom. Blood trickled down his hand and down to the sink below infecting the once clean water, his left hand held onto the sink to the point his already pale hand resembled a bedsheet.

It soon came to a crescendo when Hatori felt a foreign object tickled the very back of his throat. Flowers soon clawed their way out of his mouth, its white petals covered with his own blood clung onto it before letting go and further contributing to the murky mess in front of him.

His chest ached, Hatori thought his lungs would shrivel up due to the loss of nutrients and excessive coughing. As he coughed and coughed, tears started to build up in his blue eyes. He hadn’t shed any tears since the age of 7 -that was a long story in of itself- but who the hell wouldn’t react in such a way when you’re almost coughing up your respiratory system?

As to why such a terrifying fate was bestowed onto him? It was all because of one person. A very important person who goes by the name Yoshino Chiaki. His best friend of almost 15 years was the indirect cause of the slow destruction of his body. It was a fact that existence had it in for him, the moment he came to slow realization that what he felt towards the man with blue eyes was something more than friends, those cursed flowers started to grow within him.

The yearning was oh so real and something Hatori wouldn’t wish on his worst enemies. His heart ached whenever Yoshino referred to Hatori as just his best friend. And while it may come across as innocent to most people, it brought his spirits down, only pushing the tiny bit of hope for reciprocation closer and closer to the edge.

And the metaphorical knife was twisted deeper into his abdomen when Yanase Yuu came into the picture. Gone were the days where Hatori was the most important person in Yoshino’s life, the days where Yoshino’s smile was for him and him alone.

It was a gradual stage of events. First, it was a simple sore throat which at the time, Hatori thought nothing of, assuming it was just the cold season being just around the corner. Oh how naive he was.

Then the coughing and dizziness came rolling in which once again, he brushed aside telling himself it would pass eventually. Well, things started to spiral with sudden loss of energy, always collapsing from what his body perceived to be a hard day of school. Sometimes his body wouldn’t allow him to rest on a soft bed, there were times where he would collapse onto the sidewalk and wake up to a mother who all but had a heart attack.

And here he was now, vomiting flowers all because of naivety. He knew he should have listened to his gut which was screaming at him to seek help! It’s not ‘just a cold’ you idiot. You WILL die if you don’t listen to me! Oh how naive he was and now he was just facing the consequences of brushing it all aside.

_ I’m living in hell, how could I have ignored this? I want to see him now but that’ll only cause the cycle to repeat. _

Spend time with Yoshino, pine after him, feel a scratchy feeling within his throat, regurgitate his own blood and flowers, burnout, rinse and repeat.

Why couldn't Hatori just cut him out of his life? Their bond transcended that of a normal friendship. They were like brothers as far as Hatori was concerned and cutting the other off would accomplish nothing other than leave a gaping hole in both of their hearts. He simply could not do that to Yoshino.

And so, with a sore throat straight from the depth of hell itself, the brunette stumbled towards the sink, his surroundings melding and blending together. This was what he called the burnout phase all because of his aching heart and burning throat, it was arguably the worst aspect of this ordeal, the adrenaline would clear up and his brain would start to absorb his surroundings.

Murky red was nothing but a mockery of children’s fingerpaint, white was nothing to be seen as it was drowned in a sea of blood. Once clean flowers were floating atop of the sink acting as the only decoration. It was an exact mirror image of a horror movie scene.

Pale hands washed out the sink, watching now light red swirl down into the drain erasing any evidence of his disease.

The sound of vibrating bounced off the walls. Drying his hands, Hatori rushed towards his bag trying his very best to ignore black spots desperately clinging onto his vision.

“Hello?” He couldn’t help but cringe at the sound of his voice, worn out and hoarse, a complete contrast to his normally smooth deep voice. An obvious indicator of his problem. Usually, he'd feel a sense of joy bubbling up inside of him when his phone showcased Yoshino's name on the small screen,

But like most things in his life, it was simply a thing of the past.

“Tori, where are you? I’ve been waiting outside over an hour now.”

“… I’m sorry Chiaki. I had to talk to some of my teachers. I’m coming out now.” The lie came out so fast there was no time for his brain to process it. He absolutely despised lying to Yoshino, especially when they made a promise to tell the truth as much as possible. But sadly, desperate times call for desperate measures.

“Okay, I’m at the park now.” Yoyogi park was a definite part of their childhood. Both families would frequent there quite regularly. And while their mothers would sit and talk about adult things, both Yoshino and Hatori would explore their surroundings, playing with the equipment, just doing what any inquisitive 7 year old children would do.

Glancing up at the sink one last time, Hatori let out once last sigh before he trudged out of the bathroom, a heavy foreboding sense of dread acting as shackles on his ankles. While he could simply hide the majority of his symptoms under a simple cold, the dizziness he was currently experiencing was a lot harder than a measly cough.

Looks like there will be more lies to be told in the foreseeable future. The last thing Hatori wanted was for his dirty secret to be revealed to his best friend. The thought of losing Yoshino made the brunette even more queasy than he already was, it was something he knew for a fact he couldn’t handle.

“Yoshino?” He called out, looking for the man in question. A light breeze caused a shiver to go up and down his spine. The sight of tall trees and large stone fountain to his left gave him a sense of nostalgia to counteract the feeling of fatigue and the persistent voice in the back of head nulling him to take a "quick nap" as it put it. That park held memories Hatori wouldn’t trade for even the rarest of items, for millions of dollars, those memories were part of their bond.

“Yoshino? Where are you?” He turned another corner, ducking down to avoid getting struck in the head by a tree branch. What his blue eyes layed eyes on all but stopped him in his tracks.

Right on a park bench sat the man in question in the recesses of sleep. Bits of sunlight illuminated his already smooth skin, his eyes darted about even though they were screwed shut. He looked like an angel saved for the halo perched atop his head. Licking his dry lips, he paced towards the man in complete silence, his heart rate accelerating with each step he took.

He looked so beautiful. He felt his heart fluttering in his chest, he felt those feelings that were properly locked away with the key thrown away start to bubble up inside of him, the box starting to break apart at the seams. But he wasn’t about to screw up and attempt something.

This was a common occurrence for the both of them. As of late, Yoshino had a habit of falling asleep waiting for Hatori to return from school -or more specifically, the bathroom- He would always be the one carrying him back to his home with either his mother or his sister Chinatsu waiting for him at the front door. While the feeling of the smaller man in his arms made him feel on top of the world -he felt so warm against his sickly cool skin- the ache of his heart was something that could not go ignored. He knew if he wasn't so cowardly he would have confessed his feelings by now, maybe this all could have been prevented.

_ Why can't I hold you like this? Why won't I confess? _

_ You don't want to guilt him into a relationship _

With one Yoshino Chiaki in his arms, he started away from the park and into the path leading to their neighborhood. Yoshino unconsciously gripped his shirt like a baby grips a finger -what he would have given for a picture of him at that very moment- and the ache in his heart was almost unbearable. He wasn't sure if he was going to make it to 16 years old with the state of his body.

Dying of a fruitless love.

Quite a sad way of losing your life but it wasn't terrible, he would be able to keep those feelings locked away for eternity and he wouldn't have to guilt Yoshino into being a relationship because of his inevitable demise. Rejection was better than a relationship built on guilt. All he wanted was for his best friend to be happy and if that means hiding his feelings then so be it.

Sky blue soon turned to a beautiful display of reds, oranges and pinks. A beautiful display for the angel in his arms. While he kept walking, One final thought circulated in his head.

_ This all could have been prevented if not for my naivety. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: yoshiunova
> 
> I hope you enjoyed :)


	2. Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A good majority of this chapter is just context but it is definitely needed for the rest of this story. While this is many just context, it will definitely be needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is based off a headcanon of mine
> 
> That headcanon being Hatori is bisexual.
> 
> And speaking of bisexuality,
> 
>  _"When Yoshino imagined being with a girl, his natural instinct was to desire girls. But his lust towards the body of this man was stronger than even that instinct."_ From Yoshino Chiaki no baai volume 2.
> 
> So... is Yoshino bi too? I don't know, I'm not confirming nor denying anything. Just something to think about haha.

There were many things one Hatori Yoshiyuki wanted in life. A content life, a secure job, either alone or with a significant other by his side. Extravagance was something he found to be useless, a sense of satisfaction was far better than forever chasing happiness. As long as he was secured, he would look back on the past with a small smile.

The idea of a significant other in his life was a topic that flowed in and out of his life. On one hand, living life alone wasn't exactly ideal even though he was perfectly fine living alone. It would be nice to share both the good and the bad moments of life with another person. It would be nice to share both the good and the bad moments of life with another person just to make it less lonely.

People believed him to be stone-faced, boring, someone incapable of loving someone in such an intimate way. He couldn't care less about the opinions of other people, it wasn't like he was living for other people. The idea of loving another person in such a way platonic friends would never act intrigued him. Holding a person he loved and adored in his arms sounded like a beautiful feeling.

A feeling that for some reason he hadn't experienced yet.

Hatori had gone out with only three girls in middle school with none of them even making it to a year. Now he wasn't about to blame his past girlfriends for all their short lived relationships, he knew they were all disingenuous -with no malicious intentions at all- all he wanted was to experience the feeling that his peers would gush about during their free time.

Hatori wouldn't deny they made him happy to some extent, they were great and caring people but those feelings were just faked. Nothing but a facade and he couldn’t understand why.

They were attractive, considerate and like him, are people who want to work their way to satisfaction. So why couldn’t he reciprocate their feelings? He tried and tried but it was all for nothing. 

But that soon changed when the light of his life entered his life. The person who had his heart was the one who was called Yoshino Chiaki. His best friend of fifteen years. 

They were like brothers, their bond was the one of the few things that could make the normally stoic man crack a smile. He woke up everyday thanking whoever was so kind as to introduce his best friend into his life, he was thankful every single day. They were like polar opposites but they completed each other, much like puzzle pieces creating an image.

But that was something completely different.

They were at Yoshino’s home, books and manga scattered across the beige carpet floor. Blue eyes were glued to a novel, mentally taking notes for an upcoming essay for his English Literature class while the other was doodling in the many sketchbooks he owned without a care in the world. Hatori would describe Yoshino as a balloon, floating along going wherever the wind wanted to take it.

But there were times where the man would linger dangerously close to the stratosphere just waiting to pop into nothing. Yes, he knew it was a weird analogy but that was just how he saw him.

“Tori what do you think of this?” His reverie was broken by the question. Putting a bookmark on the page he was reading, he turned to his friend assuming it was another sketch for a story that originated from a dream.

“I want to name him Tsuyoshi and girl Chiharu. They’re siblings that were separated due to their mother disappearing, one lived with their dad whereas the other ran away due to loss and ended up living with her grandmother.”

It was obvious a lot of thought and care was put into making these characters. It was just one reason out of a list of many things he admired Yoshino, his ability to put so much care into his creations designs and backstories. Dim wouldn’t be a word he would use to describe Yoshino, sure some would call him oblivious -as much as he would deny it, he wasn’t exactly what people would call self-aware- when it came to the things he loved, he could turn as insightful as Hatori.

While he listened to him ramble on and on about them, he paid close attention to pictures inspecting each stroke of graphite, each stroke of the pencil served a purpose. It all coordinated perfectly to make the beautiful in front of him. Hatori loved Yoshino’s hands, not only were they soft to the touch he was able to coordinate his fingers and brain to make such clean and beautiful images.

He also loved his voice. Hatori could have been locked inside the house with him and listened to Yoshino’s voice for hours on end, it was like he was transferred to another world with just the two of them in it. He could visualize it perfectly.

Light blues and purples meld together. Yoshino’s head was on his lap staring up at the sky rambling on and on about whatever topic came to mind while Hatori, eyes closed, listened to every word that came out of Yoshino’s mouth as his fingers played with his soft brown hair. 

It was perfect. Just the two of them and no one was there to interrupt their precious moment.

“Tori what do you think?” He asked, poking him on the cheek to get his attention.

He remained silent for a couple minutes, formulating his answer. “It looks really good as always Yoshino but when are you going to start on your project?” As much as he never wanted the moment to end, he wouldn’t want Yoshino to fail yet another project.

“I know, I know I’ll start it soon.” Once again, he brushed off the question and continued making more sketches. They were in the same grade level but at different levels. Hatori was in class 1-A whereas Yoshino was in 1-F so needless to say, they weren’t going to be seeing much of each other for the majority of the day.

 _'How can someone procrastinate so much’_ He was fully convinced that Yoshino was the biggest procrastinator. It was like it was going out of style or whatever he happened to be thinking while he did these sort of things. 

“Hey Tori…I have to confess something.”

Hatori hummed letting him know he had his attention. He assumed the characters were inspired by a movie they watched yesterday, while it was an alright film, it was more suited towards Yoshino as it was based on a shonen manga with lots of special effects. In short, it was a film that was more catered towards people with similar taste to Yoshino’s.

“Tsuyoshi was inspired by you and Chiharu was me. If I’m being honest, you’re like the brother I always wanted. You’re like a brother and I would be the sister, no matter how far apart we were.” His voice grew softer and softer. “We would always be able to find each other, we’re like a family you know?”

It was time had stop dead in its tracks. His eyes widened in shock at what he had said and at how genuine Yoshino was being. They were like brothers, they were family?

“Why aren’t you saying anything?!”

Finally he found his voice, “I’m sorry, it just caught me off guard. You really think we’re like a family?”

He could distinctively feel his cheeks flush, a tint of red decorated his cheeks which was something that never happened in quite some time.

“Tori, are you okay?” Soft pads of his fingertips skated across the skin of his cheek only further putting him into a trance. His heartbeat grew in volume with each passing second, how Yoshino couldn’t hear it remained unknown as it was perfectly audible to his ears. Hatori’s vocal cords didn’t seem to work so he only nodded his head in affirmation.

Racing heartbeat, flushed cheeks, mind filled the brim with a myriad of emotions. It was that feeling he was sure he would never get the chance to properly experience. Love. A crush.

There were many things Hatori Yoshiyuki wanted and it seemed like one of those things had just happened. And that was how it started.

**_/GG/_ **

That discovery was a pretty big aspect of Hatori’s teenage life, who he had thought to be his closest friend only to become the one who held his heart. It first was something he found to be bizarre, all due to the fact it was a guy of all people -you could have gave him one hundred guesses and he would have guessed wrong each time-

It felt euphoric. His heart raced whenever they touched, his chest fluttered whenever he saw Yoshino. It was like a dream, a completely unreal feeling only heard of in those sappy romance movies he would mentally scoff at.

Hatori knew he was being a hypocrite. Young love was definitely true and it could even melt down the walls of even the most stoic of men and the most bitter of women. It was quite a surprise though, falling for a man -his best friend at that!- rather than a woman. He had never seen any of his male peers in such a light, the women in his life were nothing but friends/classmates to him.

So that was what he assumed to be bisexuality huh?

Hatori wasn’t about to tell anyone just yet, well maybe Yoshino would be the only one he would tell and of course Hatori would silence him into secrecy. It wasn’t like he was scared of getting rejected by his loved ones, potentially losing that sense of security all because of something he had absolutely no control over. Okay…maybe it scared him deep down.

The very idea of losing the people in his life whom he loved was something he knew no matter what age or at what stage in life he was at, there was no way he could possibly handle that. The emotional ache that would subsequently fill the gaping hole in his heart was just not worth it in his eyes.

While Hatori trusted Yoshino with his life, there was always a voice in his head that would pester and annoy him with many questions.

_What if he ever were to find out about your…little secret?_

It could go two ways. Yoshino could reciprocate his feelings and with that, they started to go out. But, what if he was rejected and their friendship started to crumple at the seams. The thought of losing the most important person in his life deeply saddens him. A gaping hole in his heart would never be filled by anyone or anything.

Even if they were to start seeing each other, would it all just be a facade? Nothing but an artificial illusion made by the man himself. Hatori thought he would be happy, his one-sided love turned into a two-way street only for it to be shattered when Yoshino where to reveal:

“I…don’t like you that way…I-I only said yes not to hurt your feelings.”

Was this just him being pessimistic? There were far too many cons to pros that made Hatori decide it was better to keep it all to himself. As much as it hurted him, it seemed to be the lesser of two evils. He wished he could just tell him, but unfortunately, his own insecurities just caused him to shut his mouth and constantly think up a multitude of scenarios both pleasant and terrible.

He would most definitely be lying through his teeth if he were to say the pain he felt could simply be ignored. Just the thought of his one-sided love frozen in such a state caused Hatori’s throat to ache, the pain almost felt real. Just thinking of his gaze catching Yoshino with another girl would make his heart constrict. While it may sound ridiculous in the eyes of another person, it was something that scared Hatori more than he would let on.

 _‘Rejection was far better than a relationship built on pity or dating for the sake of avoiding shattering someone’s feelings.’_ It sadly looked to be the lesser of two evils.

There were many things Hatori wanted, and it seemed the thing he wanted the most could never happen, not that he was sad about it that is.

As to why he fell for his blue-eyed friend? Hatori could only provide a vague answer as to why he fell for the man like he did.

They had been together platonically for as long as he could remember, he was always there when Yoshino needed support or a listening ear as Yoshino was for him. He loved the fact Yoshino trusted him the way he did -not to mention the fact he was metaphorically wrapped around his finger- the invisible wisps of familiarity and reliability that surrounded them was something he wouldn’t trade for the world.

He theorized that maybe that love of trust and familiarity must have evolved into a feeling even a 15 year old could comprehend. That feeling fascinated him.

Whenever Hatori was around his best friend, he made it his goal to leave him grinning that beautiful grin and surely enough, that same tingly feeling he felt so long ago would diffuse to the rest of his body. Exactly like today.

It was yet another school day and like clockwork both him and Yoshino were walking to school, Yoshino chattering about whatever came to his hyperactive mind. The sun shone brightly, its light rays warmed the city for that day wrapping the civilians in an aura of warmth. For the most part, it was quite a beautiful day.

“Tori, are you listening?” The call of his voice brought him back to the real world and out of his head. Nodding his head, Yoshino continued babbling on about whatever he had happened to be talking about before.

A surge of pain shot up through his now parched throat, a pain Hatori could not identify. It was like how he described previously, his heart soon constricted -he was so wrong, the pain was absolutely nothing like he could ever imagine- blood had a much harder journey towards the important vesicles and blood vessels. There was a girl who had eyes on Yoshino? What if he reciprocates?

With each inhale of air, it felt like his windpipe was mere minutes from giving out, only a small amount of oxygen could make its way into his lungs. Hatori swore he could see bits of black desperately clinging onto his line of vision. What was happening? It was freaking him out to no end.

A voice fiiled to the brim with concern filled his ears, kept asking him if he was okay, lightly reprimanded him for potentially prioritizing school over his physical health -not surprisingly, this wasn’t an isolated incident of course- Hatori let out a pathetically weak hum trying to brush off Yoshino’s worries, he couldn’t begin to properly articulate his struggles.

Hatori could distinctly feel his back collide with a tree, dark blue eyes stared at lighter blue, a layer of  cloud lined his vision making it hard to identify who was in front of him.

“Tori…are you okay? Seriously, if you aren’t I’ll tell your teacher.” That voice brought back a surge of energy, that deafening tha-thump of his heart helped Hatori identify that voice to be his crush Yoshino. The tree bark pricked the back of his neck, the light pain being just enough to feel and Hatori winced.

“How do you feel Tori? Can you make it to the school for some water?”

All Hatori wanted was to fall asleep in Yoshino arms -that would have been absolutely heavenly- whatever energy Hatori had remaining in his system slowly seeped out of him leaving him nothing but a pale husk of himself.

Perhaps this discovery was something he shouldn’t have been happy about.


	3. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoshino gets together with a girl from one of his classes and Hatori's feelings started to boil deep inside of him. A horrifying sight is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this chapter isn't that good. School has been stressing me out and some personal things had arisen. Please bear with me here haha.
> 
> I'm doing better now, if anyone was wondering.

Existence obviously had it out for him. Of course Hatori had evidence to back up this very fact.

First and foremost, his best friend/crush Yoshino Chiaki was now in a relationship with a girl from his class who went by the name  ***** Hanako Ayato. While this wasn't inherently bad, it didn’t stop the ensuing heartache and pounding of his temples -half of which came from the dizzy spell the day prior-

As much as it hurted him deeply, Hatori couldn’t help but laugh bitterly at his heartache. Of all things to cry about, his crush getting with a girl -and admittedly a good looking girl at that- and not with him instead. Simply pathetic. They were both guys for god sake! Hatori knew for a fact it would take a miracle for them to get together.

Plus they were best friends, even if he were to confess, their friendship could potentially start to fade away as they transition from friends to lovers. Of all people, just why did Hatori have to fall for Yoshino? They were just friends. Why was it suddenly harder for him to look at him in the eyes of a platonic friend? He suddenly felt his throat dry up like he was in the middle of a desert and the metaphorical strings of his heart were only pulled whenever he saw Yoshino holding hands with that girl.

He never once had a problem with Hanako. If he was being honest with himself, she seemed to be a great match for the brunette. Smart, kind and had the patience of a saint to deal with Yoshino’s antics. A great fit for him indeed. More than he could say for the two.

They were simply friends, and of the same sex. As much as Hatori wanted to believe they could happily grow old together, sadly he simply couldn’t avoid cold cut facts

Secondly, he noted that they were starting to drift apart as friends and it was…unnerving to say the least. Their normal park meetups slowly but surely dwindled away, Hatori would’ve been lucky if he was able to meetup with Yoshino once a week or so. He was most definitely not jealous or anything. That was simply false. He was quite happy for his best friend, finding someone who values Yoshino as much as he valued him was a great thing.

_ ‘Would things work out if one of us were female? Well, maybe I could have just confessed months or even years ago. Maybe I would be a lot more comfortable with what I’m feeling.’ _

The thought came as a surprise to the brunette. It wasn’t a surprise a relationship between the same sex wasn’t wildly accepted as of now. While there were some people who seem to accept the idea of being gay, some had grown to accept the fact that the LGBTQ community was now apart of their society. But of course, there were quite a few people who, to some degree, would not accept it in any way, shape, or form.

If Hatori was being honest, it was quite sad. Like the 46 chromosomes that made a person who they were, sexuality was something completely out of his control, exactly like a lottery -both genetic and otherwise- some had more lucky results than others. Unfortunately, some people were essentially being ostracized from their friends and peers all for something that was completely out of their control. Something that would not affect them in the long run. Sadly, some parts of the world were…slow to develop compared to some first world countries for example. He wasn’t about to out himself to anyone so all he could do was hide them away and pine after the boy with blue eyes.

It was such a shame and all Hatori could do was be by his friend’s side and just listen to the many dates he had gone on. Much like today.

It was a cool spring day, overcast sky with many grey clouds acting as the decoration. Two blue eyed boys were on their way home, one rambling on about what had happened that day. *Almond shaped eyes stared intently at the gloomy sky above, each word went in one ear and out the other. Well until the following question.

“We went to this one museum we went to when we were 5. You remember that Tori?” The man in question turned his gaze from the clouds to his friend rewinding the many memories he shared with Yoshino all for nothing. “No, I’m sorry but I don’t remember anything of the sort.”

“Do you remember that time we went with our mothers and I had to leave early because I was scared of the dinosaur skeletons?” Yoshino chuckled, his hands hidden deep within the pockets of his pants.

That supposed memory had hit him, his brain projected the memory like a movie screen. The flashback transported them to when they were only 5 years old, both in clean blue smocks speed walked into the museum, wonderment swam in their optics. Yoshino was babbling on and on about the many sights and photos that hung on the walls and the floor, young Hatori behind him listening intently to every word.

While it was one of the many humorous times in their lives, at the time he could only remember that full tooth grin. That smile could have been comparable to that of the sun, it's ray's brightening up the day of whoever happened to be in the vicinity. While there were many things he loved about the boy with blue eyes, his smile was without a doubt his favorite thing. Any troubles in his life would be instantly wiped away a stain on a kitchen counter the moment he would lay eyes on that smile.

"You were quite hyper if I remembered. You kept yanking me all over the place and asking about every photo." He mused, trying to supress the smile that really wanted to make an appearance seeing an adorable pout graced Yoshino's features.

"I wasn't  _ that _ hyper, at least that was how I remembered it." He sighed, rolling his eyes at what his best friend had said. He knew Hatori had an easier time remembering things from their childhood -not that he had forgotten, Yoshino had a hard time recalling certain events in their lives- so he knew the sentiment was most likely true.

As they continued with their walk home, another funny event that had happened only a couple hours prior. “Oh I have to tell you what happened during lunch.” A grin overtook Yoshino’s face as he continued on with his story.

Apparently, Yoshino’s girlfriend was about to give him some cupcakes only for her to trip on someone’s bag and the icing was splattered all over her face. Normally Hatori would listen intently at whatever Yoshino happened to be ranting about but he just couldn’t bring himself to. With each word that came out of his mouth his heart broke all the more, it felt as though his chest was slowly crushed by a boulder much too slowly.

Just what was happening to him? Was this a symptom of heartbreak?

Yoshino’s words were then replaced by the amplified drum of his pulse and high pitch ringing of his ears creating a concerning cacophony of sound. Hatori all but begged for the sound to go away, replacing the sound with Yoshino’s heavenly voice.

_ ‘Go away. Why is my vision turning into a tunnel? Damn it, why is this happening to me.’ _

Damn, even his internal monologue sounded weak, pathetic. He suddenly clutched his head, feeling pain surged within him, the world around him turned into clean white. To say Hatori was confused would have been a royal understatement. His aching head, constricted throat, flashes of white, nothing was adding up. Hatori couldn’t just brush it aside as simple cold or flu, something much worse was attacking his respiratory and immune system.

Suddenly, he had stopped walking, his legs suddenly giving way to the light-headedness he was currently feeling. Hatori could note small cool hands on his forehead feeling an odd sense of euphoria mixed into the feeling of confusion and dizziness. It felt so nice, he felt his body temperature increasing at a rapid rate.

“Tori what’s the matter? Are you okay?” The sound of Yoshino’s voice caused his heart to flutter. Hatori couldn’t speak -his throat would not allow him to respond anyhow- only nodded feeling his eyes drooping, wanting so desperately to flutter close and succumb to the feeling of extreme fatigue which was situated deep within his brain.

He felt himself being seated down on the grassy plain, hearing a water bottle being opened and the rim of the bottle on his lips urging him to drink it. Seeing Yoshino fretting over his sudden loss of energy made his heart flutter and ache simultaneously. While from another person’s perspective it would just pass across their head without much thought, such a simple yet kind gesture from the man he loved made his predicament a tad bit better.

“Can you make it to the park?” He asked, moving his bangs away from his eyes.

Once again, Hatori nodded silently wishing his tunnel-like vision away. The contents of the water bottle were now gone, temporarily hydrating his throat, his voice finally coming back to him.

“I’m…” He took a deep breath. “I’m okay Yoshino. Thank you.” His voice was scratchy, it felt as though fingers were tickling his throat from the inside and made him cringe. Closing his eyes, he stood up with wobbly legs of course with the help of his best friend. Hatori knew he was most certainly not fine but the mere thought of sending his friend into a state of worry caused immense guilt to become all he could think of. If he wasn’t in the hospital, then he could just grit his teeth and go through it all.

As long as Yoshino was by his side.

The light spring breeze helped quell his rapidly increased body temperature. It felt as though Hatori’s feet were shackled to some unknown object miles away from their location, each step was nothing but heavy and each step served to remind him of his questioning suffering. His arms felt limp, even though the proper impulses were sent to his arm, the limb just refused to move. If Hatori had to describe what he was currently feeling, it would have to be sluggish/lethargic. Like he took a sleeping pill but if the intended effects hadn’t worn off in the last six hours.

_ ‘It’s too bright. I just want to fall into a deep sleep and not wake up for a long time but I don’t know why. It feels like I’m falling in and out of consciousness.’ _

His brain registered them taking a turn, Hatori felt his shoe making contact with the mud down below indicating they were indeed on a certain mud path bikers and some runners from their neighborhoods they would frequented. So they were going to the park huh? As much as he really wanted to be at home in the comfort of his soft bed, spending time with his best friend was something he just couldn’t pass up.

Rusted iron was what greeted his vision along with the sound of the old squeaking swings. Hatori allowed his head to lean on the old and withered chain trying so desperately to cling onto the bits of consciousness that remained, even without his normal sense of alertness he could feel Yoshino’s concerned gaze boring onto his back.

It wasn’t calculating or harsh, it was soft and hesitant, almost trying to silently extract his troubles from deep within him without the need to converse. Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t uncomfortable nor did it feel violating. It felt…quite sweet in an odd way. He could feel his concern, the many questions he wanted to ask him with varying levels of difficulty of providing an answer. Internally, he was dreading the easy “What is happening to you?” He just could not answer it. Half the reason being he himself could not even provide a solid answer to satisfy his own brain. The other half being he wouldn’t want to scare his friend, or eventually his family if he ever were to inform them.

Besides, it wasn’t as though he was going to die…right? Ergo, there shouldn’t be anything to worry about then.

The world around him turned blurry, his blue eyes blinked repeatedly as a last resort of retaining consciousness. With each passing second Hatori started to lose that battle and with that, he allowed himself to let go and fell into the deep recesses of sleep.

But for whatever reason, deep inside his gut, Hatori had an inkling that comment wasn’t going to age well.

Surroundings became absolutely nothing, his brain didn’t register the movement of his body away from the swing, the feeling of prickly grass on his back which was probably dirtying the fabric at that very moment. His head made contact with small thighs and a lethargic smile etched across his sleepy features, even though he was in the deep recesses of sleep he knew it was in fact his head resting on Yoshino’s lap like it was a pillow. Quite an intimate feeling that made his dreams all the more pleasant.

While Hatori could not provide a definitive answer to his current symptoms, feeling his head on Yoshino’s lap was one of the greatest feelings he could name. Not many things could not even compare to the closeness of his crush, his lap as a pillow.

He wasn’t about to tell anyone. Another one of the many secrets of Hatori Yoshiyuki that would be kept away from his loved ones. _‘Besides, it will probably go away…’_ The thought caused his smile to fade away. _‘I hope so at least.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hanako Ayato is one of two female characters that will be in this story. She’s Yoshino’s high school girlfriend who won’t really be a big factor to the story haha. Just wanted to put it out there.
> 
> *So apparently in the light novel, they describe Hatori’s eyes as “almond shape” so that’s where that line came from.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to give a kudos or even a comment if you want :)


	4. New distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After waking up to a freaked out mother, and a concerned friend, Hatori was left to catch up with his studies and ended up meeting quite a nice girl from one of his classes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprisingly, this chapter was longer than it originally was going to be. Thank you so much to my beta-reader @/thesassysexualsatanist on Tumblr. She really helped me with not making my writing a lot less scatterbrained than the original.
> 
> Next chapter is when shit really hits the fans.

Everything was blurry before Hatori’s eyes, black was the only identifiable color he could note. His memory was chopped up into tiny fragments and scattered across his brain, making organizing events much more of a challenge. He could feel smooth material beneath him that was slightly warm due to his body temperature, his breathing was even as his chest rose and fell.

Hatori could only identify a small handful of sounds. From a door opening to what he had assumed to be a female voice, but who in the world was with him? An acquaintance from one of his classes?

It felt as though he was submerged in water, sentences were all but unidentifiable. His limbs for whatever reason, he could not move even when his brain sent the proper signals to move his arms and legs or open his eyes to observe his surroundings.

_Where in the world am I? What happened? All I can remember is falling asleep when I was with Yoshino._

Retelling what had happened the hours prior served to be a challenge. One of his eyes finally fluttered open, a variety of colors cut through the sea of black that veiled his vision. Different shapes and structures were nothing but unidentifiable blobs before they became clear.

Hatori’s eyes darted about, absorbing his surroundings in such a befuddled state. From the small desk with pencils and paper neatly tucked in the corner and the alarm clock on his nightstand informing him that school had just ended, which further exacerbated his confusion. All evidence pointed to his location being his bedroom; but how in the world could he have possibly ended up here?

All Hatori could remember was falling asleep before suddenly waking up on a bed, those same clothes from the day prior still on him all rumpled, a complete contrast to their once crisp, clean form. He closed his eyes traveling back to yesterday. They were walking and talking like normal before he fell asleep on Yoshino’s lap. Those fragments were like puzzle pieces scattered, but slowly but surely events were starting to come together.

“Yoshiyuki?” The sound of the female voice caused the rest of his consciousness to return to his person. His gaze dragged towards the owner of the concerned voice and was greeted with the sight of black hair and dark blue eyes identical to his own, in her arms held a bowl of warm soup, a concerned aura washed over into the room.

It wasn’t a classmate. But his mother.

“Mother…?” Confusion soon turned into mild surprise: was she the one who brought him back home? But she was on a business trip set for the middle of the week so what was she doing here? “What are you doing here?”

Sensing her son’s confusion she simply replied, “I was in the airport when I got the call from Yoshino-kun. You fell asleep and he freaked out.” A soft smile made its way onto his face. That sounded just like her, when even the slightest mention of her only son in being cooped up at home sick she would be on a plane home the very next day. While she was the most considerate person he knew, she was without a shadow of a doubt the definition of paranoia. He speculated it was due to her business trips

“I’m okay mother, I just had a rough day at school. Final exams are just around the corner and I’ve been studying pretty hard the last month or so.” He rose to a sitting position, clasping his hands together. It wasn’t a complete lie, but the last thing he ever wanted to do was to worry his parents. His mother owned a successful business needless to say, she led a very busy life. Thankfully she would always put aside time for him -not that he necessarily needed the time, but it was such a sweet gesture-

“Are you okay?” Her son was quite stubborn, an extension of her own independence and stubborness. While it was nice to see some aspects of her personality shining through, sometimes it wasn't all good. The barrage of questions soon began. “Do you feel light-headed, nauseous?” Not knowing how to cut his mother off from her ramblings, he simply shook his head. Tomato soup was placed on his desk along with a glass of water for him.

“How did I get here?” To whom he was asking was a mystery. “I was-” He was immediately cut off with the explanation he needed. “You were at the park with Yoshino-kun. He was talking about something and you eventually fell asleep on his lap. He tried to get you home and he ended up calling me.” She walked towards his window and opened, air flew into the room as she opened the small window, his warm body cooling off as he stretched out his stiff arms before sauntering over to his desk.

“Really mother, I’m perfectly fine. I just need to rest.” The cough that followed only exacerbated his mother’s concerns. He took a seat on his chair, taking a sip of the now cooled soup as he pulled out his notes. He heard light shuffling of feet and the sound of his mother taking what he assumed to be a work related call.

“Honey, I have work to do, will you be fine on your own?” He nodded in response, finding the question rather stupid. As far back as the age of 10 Hatori was left alone due to his mother’s work. The first year or so was quite lonely. The house was bigger than what it really was in his eyes but he slowly got used to it and now it became a common occurrence, just another part of his life.

_**/GG/** _

With the dirty dish in hand, Hatori walked to the kitchen and washed it before walking to the bathroom to continue his morning routine, the house in the complete silence. As the water from the sink flowed, his eyes made contact with the mirror.

What he saw shocked him.

His once healthy skin now turned pale, deceiving whoever he potentially came into contact with him into thinking he hadn’t gone outside in quite some time. His sharp blue eyes that scanned and took in many expressions of his friends were now lifeless. Open windows that were deprived of its light and livelihood. Every cell that bounced off the mirror and into his eyes just screamed ‘sick’.

He couldn’t help but wonder what the hell was happening to him, he never had any past medical issues -well according to his physician- or any sort of issue with sleep. He put his elbows on the sink letting his thoughts wander. The timing was far too suspicious, the moment he discovered his feelings for Yoshino, he had felt the fatigue and dizziness that was weighing him down.

His thoughts were cut off by the sound of vibration. He flinched before finding out it was just his cellphone. The caller ID flashed the name ‘Yoshino Chiaki’ and at that moment, he could feel his heart skip a beat. He was so out of it that he did not have any time to think of a plausible excuse as to why he abruptly fell asleep on Yoshino’s lap. Shaking his head, he opened the small device and pressed the green button and pressed it to his ear.

“Tori!” That familiar chirp filled his ear. “Are you okay?”

A silence immediately followed. These days, it felt as though time had been frozen; everything was just so slow, even movement just felt unnecessarily sluggish.

“Yeah, I just felt very lethargic.” He replied, cradling the phone on his cheek bone.

Hatori could practically see his blue eyed friend rolling his eyes at the comment. “I told you to sleep for a while. What are you, a workaholic?”

“Unlike you, I actually get my work done in a timely manner.” He could practically see the man on the other line to pout.

“Well…I’ve been working on other things…”

Suddenly the conversation shifted. “Hey Tori, why did you fall asleep like that?” It was an innocuous question, but why did he feel as though he had lost his voice? He just couldn’t speak, the atmosphere suddenly turned tense.

“…I was studying a lot lately and I forgot to sleep.” The lie came out so smoothly he didn’t have the time to properly process it, but he didn’t have a reason to lie to him right? Why was he lying to him? They knew each other since they were in diapers, they grew up together almost like they were brothers. Both Yoshino and Hatori had ticks when it came to lying to the other, Hatori hiding it better than his shorter friend. But he slipped up and he had to leave to properly compose himself.

“Hey…I got to go, I’m going to be late.”

“Go? Wait Tori-!”

And with that, he cut off the conversation and shut off his phone. He felt some guilt hearing Yoshino’s confused voice call out to him.

It must be low iron, it apparently runs in the family. Yeah, that must be it. The thought gave him a reason and it soothed the disgruntled feeling deep within him. With a sigh, Hatori’s normal morning routine continued, his brain repeating the excuse as he ambled over to the kitchen and soon out the door.

But he truly didn’t know it would convince Yoshino. Heck, he didn’t know if he was convincing himself.

_**/GG/** _

Yoshino stood there in shock, the phone still opened showing Hatori’s contact information. He was quite oblivious, it was a silent fact. But even someone as airheaded as him could notice something was definitely off with his friend. He sounded so tense, almost like he was trying to cut the conversation. Hatori kept hesitating and while his excuse came out so blasé and normal it just didn’t seem right. He couldn’t put a finger on it, Hatori was always to hide whatever he was thinking but even then, he wasn’t about to let him lie his way out of it. The hesitation in his voice…it didn’t sound like him at all.

He quickly grabbed his bookbag and an apple from the fridge before hasetly running out the house. Yoshino could feel Hatori was going through something he had no interest in sharing, he had a bad habit of hiding his feelings from him, bottling up his feelings letting the pressure build. But today he would confront him and he wouldn’t just walk away from him.

_**/GG/** _

A warm morning greeted Hatori, cherry blossom petals picked up by the light breeze. He inhaled from his nose and the smell of wet flora brought a soft smile to his face. The smell of fresh flora, which spring could only bring was a truly beautiful thing. The sound of his shoes making contact with the concrete sidewalk and the rush of the wind created a mini symphony in his ears.

While Hatori had a good day off resting, the shackles of exhaustion were weighing heavily on his back, the extra pounds making it harder for him to concentrate with whatever he happened to be thinking about at the time. While he never had given it much thought, he thought it was just the lack of sleep or he was simply overthinking what could be something less benign.

But for whatever reason, Hatori just couldn’t find the excuse that would put his worries to rest. No matter how many times he mentally recited he just didn’t get enough sleep, the feeling of his churning stomach and that cloud of doom that followed him everywhere. Just why? It wasn’t as though he was going to die right…? In retrospect, it sounded ridiculous but at that point anything was possible. But Hatori just couldn’t stop thinking about it; was the universe trying to tell him something through subliminal messages?

He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. _Why am I so paranoid?_ He suddenly began speed walking. _It was just something more simple, no more, no less. I just need to focus on more important things. How in the world am I possibly going to catch up with my lectures?… I have another exam coming up._

His biology final was just around the corner, out of his many years of education he had never even thought of skipping school under any circumstances. But here he was, attempting to catch up with the previous lecture. And it just so happened to be biology! Hatori rounded the corner as the higher level classes rushed past him without any sort of care. He stepped into the biology classroom and took a seat on the chair in the corner near the window. The professor walked in and greeted the class before introducing another topic.

He stared intently at the chalkboard jotting down the occasional note every now and again. Hatori thought someone was whispering his name but it went ignored as he drew a diagram of a neuron. The brain, while a complex organ was quite interesting.

“Um…Hatori-kun?” He felt someone tapping his shoulder and he turned to see the person sitting next to him with soft brown hair that went down to her neck with brown eyes. In her hands held beautifully written notes, many colors popping out of the book almost like it was 3D. Raising an eyebrow, the girl put the notes on his desk and went on to explain.

“These aren’t mine…My…friend has taken this class before and wanted to give these to you.” Her voice was quiet, awkward. They almost never spoke to each other throughout the semester. She could count on one hand how many times they talked about class. Hatori could only thank her, not knowing what else to say. Maybe the name of the girl would be written on the corner.

Flipping through the pages, it was obvious that lots of time was put into meticulously placing the condensed information into its proper place with aesthetically pleasing diagrams. Everything just clicked. As his eyes scanned through each page, he noticed small compact handwriting right at the top left hand corner.

_***Hoshino Sanae** _

The name sounded quite familiar, he had heard it in the morning announcements but he couldn’t put a face to the name. All he knew was that she was on the school council as it was stated multiple times throughout the year.

Looking down at his diagrams, he decided to figure out just who she was. Tapping her shoulder, she turned to him and put down her notebook.

“Hey. Do you know who Hoshino is?” He asked quietly.

“I can take you to her, lunch is in a couple minutes. She usually eats outside.”

The bell rang loudly and the once silent corridors were now flooded with students trying to navigate the busy halls. The occasional yell of one student to another filled his ears as Hatori rounded the corner, the notes situated inside his bookbag as he went down the stairs behind his classmate.

“Hey Tori!” He knew that voice and it took a lot of willpower not to turn on his heels and talk to him but he succeeded. After what had happened that morning, he was probably going to confront him and he just couldn't explain. He wouldn’t understand. It was better if he were to keep his mouth shut.

Yoshino’s smile curled down to a frown, why was he ignoring him and who was he with? With a huff, Yoshino started to storm towards him determined to get the explanation he deserved. Hanako tugged at his arm and took him in the opposite direction, probably wanting him to keep a cool head before confronting him.

Opening the door, there were some people and couples eating, relaxing and the like. She pointed towards a girl with black hair with a blue hue in the light blowing with the light breeze. Her opal earrings went well with her white blouse and skirt. Everything fit her perfectly.

She took a step forward, urging Hatori to follow. “That’s her.”

Hatori thanked her and started to walk towards a cherry blossom tree farther from campus.

Taking a deep breath, he tried to push Yoshino deep into his thoughts. “Um, are you Hoshino?” The girl in question looked up at the brunette, big brown eyes brightened upon seeing him.

“Oh yeah that’s me.” She giggled. “Are you Hatori Yoshiyuki?” He normally didn’t show surprise or anything related to it but this time he couldn’t help it. They had never once crossed paths so how could she possibly know?

Hatori hid his surprise under his indifferent mask. “Um yes. How do you know my name?” He noticed Hoshino scooting away, patting the empty space signalling him to sit down next to her. While he hesitated, he shrugged off his book bag and took a seat.

“A friend of mine is in your class. She’s the one who led you to me.” Realizing how potentially creepy that sounded, she added. “I'm sorry if I’m being too forward.”

Her notes were fished out the bag as he dismissed her added comment. It was a surprise to already be on a first name basis. “It’s okay. She says you’re in the neighboring class.”

She nodded in affirmation, “I really like how you write your notes, the colors really help me remember the contents that are inside.” The complement caused a bright smile to decorate her features and he handed her the notebook with a small smile thanking her.

“Oh really? It took me a long time to make these so it’s nice to see the results. If you want, I can give you some tips on writing effective notes maybe with less work.” Hatori listened intently to Hoshino’s ramblings, feeling a weight being lifted off his chest. It was nice to have someone unknowingly giving him a distraction from his issues. She made it easier to avoid his best friend for a short period of time -well until he could come up with something that would let the situation rest-

“Hey do you want to eat here again tomorrow?” It was nice to have a new distraction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hoshino Sanae was Hatori's girlfriend back in highschool. I had to rewatch the fourth episode of the second season, surprisingly enough, I couldn't find her on the wiki. Oh well.
> 
> Tumblr: yoshiunova
> 
> I hoped you enjoyed. If you really want, please leave a kudos or a comment :)


End file.
